


A Dangerous Pastime

by andrassysribcage



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Feelings, Fluff, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-18 21:30:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5943757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andrassysribcage/pseuds/andrassysribcage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He looked almost vulnerable, relaxed and moonlit, sprawled on Hux's bed like that. Almost... inviting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Dangerous Pastime

**Author's Note:**

> title graciously stolen from regina spektor's song 'i want to sing'. can't believe i'm actually posting this but. here we are. someone remind me to never write at 3 am again  
> (my infinite gratitude goes out to the lovely tumblr user amber thelighttasteslikefondue for betaing this thing!! you're the best <3)

„Of all the lies to tell yourself at night,“ Hux murmurs, fingers carding through Kylo's hair, „this is the one you choose?“

Kylo looks down, no change in expression save for the rosiness in his cheeks. He takes a deep breath and, with a quirk of his lips, tightens his grip on Hux’s shoulder. Shame, Hux realises. He’s ashamed. Ashamed of letting what they had get to him, of his resolve weakening and his imagination presenting him with these fleeting moments, still more satisfying than their current situation.

“You know we can’t,” he offers, hand still entangled in Kylo’s curls, and the other just nods in reply. And that’s alright, he thinks. If ‘voice of reason’ is the role Hux has to play this time, then so be it.

After a beat: “I know. That we can’t, I mean.”

Kylo buries his face in the crook of Hux’s neck, pressing gentle kisses there as if he’s trying to turn the tide of his thoughts in his favour. His fingers are writing poems in an imaginary tongue on Hux’s back, a fair attempt at forcing the tension out of his sore muscles, and he sighs contentedly.

Kylo, perhaps with more effort than necessary, suddenly moves away from him and Hux feels the loss of warmth on his neck, his chest. He dares to glance down at Kylo and he-   
He looks up quickly, embarrassment rising in his throat, unable to meet his eyes.

Hux is already finely tuned to Kylo’s various ways of expressing his emotions, the meaning of every posture, every wave of his hand and shift in his step, and he still remains taken aback by how freely these feelings reveal themselves on Kylo’s face. The mask, he presumed. But regardless of the reason, Hux didn’t need to be Force-sensitive in order to tell what the other is thinking.

That, perhaps, made it all the worse. He hated seeing him like this, seeing him try to make himself small, to drown out his own mind. It hurt him more than he’d ever like to admit. The guilt nagging at his insides played a part too, reminding him of how he ridiculed Kylo earlier, pushed him away- his cheeks are burning purely because of his own behaviour, and he hates himself for tipping over the edge, for allowing himself to _care_.

Still, what Kylo was picturing- he never said he was... opposed to it. Settling down on some uncharted planet, nothing but a house to their name, having only each other and needing nothing else.   
It was foolish. Absolutely foolish, selfish, and treason to boot. Yet he let his mind wander, get lost in the fantasy, the thought of waking up next to Kylo, no pressure and no obligations, no need to hide themselves. The thought of freedom from rules, from duty, freedom from-

“You want it too.”

Hux froze.

“Don’t you?”

He knows that chastising Kylo for reading his thoughts (or whatever he called that) won’t contribute anything- ‘you were projecting’ and ‘well, I can’t help it’ are frequent excuses that he can’t counter, and that’s another impasse he’d rather skip this evening. He resolves to turn around instead, facing away from his lover. Childish as it may be, it gets the job done- Kylo keeps still for a few heartbeats, and Hux can almost imagine the (surely bewildered) expression on his face.

“Well?”

Kylo’s hand is on his waist and he could push it away but doesn’t want to, not really, and the other takes this as a signal to shift closer. Hux still can’t help feeling like he’s been caught red-handed, what with all this fantasising of going on a damn vacation with Kylo when he’s definitely got better things to do- the shame hasn’t subsided, and he can’t bring himself to confirm the suggestion.

“You don’t have to answer,” Kylo says. _Thankfully_ , Hux thinks, but his sudden determination not to speak prevents him from saying as much. Kylo’s lips are on the back of his neck now, gentle, barely a press, trying to coax a verbal response from him. He shivers.

“You don’t have to, because the Force told me,” and that’s where Kylo’s voice wavers, his hands still. Hux recalls all the times he scoffed at those implications of Force-omniscience, how defensive his lover got at his incessant doubting. And he recalls one particular night when both their inhibitions went out the window and Kylo confessed to his insecurities freely, perhaps too freely, for all Hux wanted to do then was hold him and tell him over and over again that there’s nothing to fear because he loves-

Well. Hux isn’t heartless- at least not around Kylo. He can give love when love needs to be given.

“I’ll answer anyway,” he starts, and Kylo can probably feel his smile from the tone of his words. Kylo’s arms around him confirm this, chest pressed flush against his back. A content sigh escapes his lips and Hux can feel his breath ghosting the back of his neck.

“Your Force was right- I do want it too.” _More than anything else_ , he wants to add. He’s absolutely forgotten the need to remind him of the fact that his wish- their wish, really- can’t ever be fulfilled.

Kylo gives him a breathy laugh and then he’s shifting, pushing himself up and on top of him, and Hux realises he’s going for a kiss. He’s more than happy to oblige, positioning himself on his back to give his lover access. Kylo leans in and Hux awaits him eagerly, lips parted, hand reaching up to touch his face. They’ve kissed hundreds, thousands of times by now, yet Hux still feels this flutter in his chest, as if it were their first. Except-

Kylo stops an inch from Hux’s mouth, not moving any further, and looks at him. Whatever he’s searching in the lines of Hux’s face, in the curve of his lip and the glint in his eyes- whatever it is, Hux wants to tell him, he won’t find it.

Hux tilts his head up, bridging the gap between them, if only to prevent the other from saying something that might shatter the fragile barrier he had worked so hard to put up. He kept his heart in a glass case, realising only when Kylo came along how foolish it was to rely on such protection next to someone armed with a battering ram.

Kylo pulls away for a moment and Hux chases after him, almost pushing himself upwards, touch-starved and overly eager. And Kylo-

He laughs. Just then, he laughs, the sound stumbling from his lips before he catches himself. His hand shoots up to cover his mouth but Hux can still see it in his eyes, in the little shakes and stutters of his chest and shoulders as joy takes control of his body. Hux pushes his hand away and kisses him and Kylo’s lips are still stretched into a smile and his hands cup the sides of Hux’s face and. Well.

If Hux were to pinpoint when exactly he fell in love with Kylo, at which point he stumbled carelessly and irreversibly into him, Kylo laughing into a tender kiss would probably be the first thing that’d come to mind.

**Author's Note:**

> this was sappy as hell, please end me. still though i hope you enjoyed!! :')) i might continue this someday. who knows. my writing tumblr is also andrassysribcage, if you wanna scream w/ me about star wars feel free to do so!


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